There is a lot of investment required for one to be crowned a “slayqueen”. 
For starters, the two twins on the chest of these lady entrepreneurs  have to be “rounded up” and enhanced to appear fatty, browner and full of life. You need an imported lotion to wake up sleepy and sluggish breasts…our sources have revealed that a River-road based importer has to find smaller bottles to divide these expensive gel which she later sells at Kshs 67,760 each. It is on high demand. 
To enlarge hips and buttocks, one desiring to be a slay queen has to lose ksh. 247,000! These “parts” will determine which politian a slay queen gets or which business mogul will be interested. Thus, perfection is needed. Surgery is still expensive…all one needs is commitment . After each shower, apply the gel generously on those unique parts. 
The most important part of the journey will be a grand entrance in social media preferably instagram and Facebook…she has to take strategic photographs and videos of her body parts moving in a certain way as to entice the sons of men into sin. Her clips will spread like fire among the sex-possessed men…who will like, share and download. She will attract many but she only needs is a famous person…whom she will date for a while and leave for yet another “bigger fish”.
Thus, slay queens will never want to hear these words…

1. Broke
It is perhaps the most discouraging, heart breaking and ambigious word that you can ever say to these self-made beauties. They believe that men should always have money to give or spend on them at any time. You can spend 12 million on these ladies but when you mention that you are broke…she will leave you. No wonder they insist on knowing the life of everyone they get in contact with. Don’t be shocked to find her with your boss 2 days after introducing them. There is no time to waste dating losers who are careful in spending their money.

2. Church
There is nothing as scary as telling a Slay queen or a mamacita to accompany you to church.

I am not talking about those dubious churches with entrepreneur pastors who double up as Uber drivers at night…there are claims that church members don’t understand the business angle of slayqueens.

They are quick to judge their new found round bottoms that have no manners even in Church. It would be rude to advertise their products in Church. In some extreme cases where it has been tried, mamas often rush and tie lesos or kangas around their waists without asking them…

Either way, by the time she is 28 years old…she has a range, a four bedroom has in Kilimani and a few millions in the bank. Her male colleagues from the university will be seen walking with brown bahashas in town begging for jobs from the businesses moguls and politicians who go out with these slay queens. It is only at 30 when that strange disease starts eating them up.  They sell their souls for money and fame. I advice all aspirants of this business to reconsider…life, love and happiness in a simple life for a longer time is better than a 3 year affair. 

Slay queens are a brood of ugly ladies turned beautiful thanks to heavy make up and other strategic modifications . The advancement of technology has made it easier for ladies to explode some parts of their bodies just to shock poor and lazy men…into staring at these beefy parts. If these brown coloured ladies had their way, they would have walked naked even at noon on a Monday.

I hate to think that some women are being used by uncaring, drunk and careless lunatics in the name of rich men. I hate it more when I know that these women have chosen this kind of life willingly…even when they have an option of selling sukuma wiki and other vegetables in estates,

I want to finish this exposé by advising our own sisters and daughters to relax, accept life in its simplest form.

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